One Step at a Time

So, as well as I and my therapist consider I am doing, I still get impatient at the constant change in emotions I can experience in a day, even a few hours. I am told by my therapist, and the many, many women I have met who have gone through similar situations that this is completely normal.  Distraction, appears to be the order of the day.

In May, 2012, just a couple of months after AMD and I were married, I had to unexpectedly have spine surgery.  It was a serious disc rupture in which the spinal fluid was pressing on nerves to my legs cutting off the circulation. I had even started to drag my leg a little which my surgeon informed me was really bad. As a matter of fact, in his over 10,000 surgeries, he was excited to report that I was no doubt in the top 5 worst cases he had ever seen.  Apparently, grown men much larger than me normally roll and scream on the floor with an injury like I had. My response, "What good would that do me?" Anyway, it took two years to feel like I was getting back to normal.  A lot probably had to do with the unnecessary stress and lack of support at home.  But, I began an exercise regimen and worked on my eating habits.  It wasn't until early this year that I really started feeling strong again, and probably why I was finally able to decide that I had enough abuse because I deserved far better.

The secret to improvement is to take one step at a time.  If you try to change everything at once you will fail.  Choose one thing and work on that change and once it becomes a habit choose something else. Slow and steady wins the race. At least in this game.  I began working out again last week. I had a strong habit of working out 3-5 times a week for over a year. I loved it. It took work. I had to experiment with the best time of day.  I had to endure being laughed at by my own husband. I still have not put back on the exercise outfit I had saved up for from Athleta after gazing at their catalog for months because he made fun of me. But, it didn't stop me from working out and changing my eating habits. And I felt amazing. Clean eating mentally changed my mood, my energy, everything. And I'm working my way back to it. I will never eat garbage daily again. I was totally converted.

So, here I am again, working towards improvement. Next week, I focus back on the clean eating routine.  The following week I start adding a social activity.  Salsa dancing. Have been wanting to take lessons for years. And I thought it would be a good way to meet new people and help battle the anxiety I have had since the last beating.  I am excited. Uncomfortable, but excited.

Next time, I will begin telling the story about how I ended up here. Beginning with the night AMD was arrested.